Things have gotten better recently, with my dad. he agreed to buy metal muff with top boost for me. yeah its great news, but you can see i'm not in the mood to celebrate, because,

1. joanne's not responding to my sms-es
2. joanne doesn't like me anymore
3. joanne tore me up into small little pieces

and friends, if i do appear happy to you, i'm like putting on a mask, because i don't want you all to worry, and i don't want you to call me emo or some fucking shitty name. because this world has got no sympathy at all. it sucks. i know i may be wrong, but it isn't my fault that this shit happened. we drifted. i was like the hand that tried to fix us together. you were the hand that tried to tear us apart. you avoided me. you toyed with me. if you're trying to play hard to get, i love you all along, joanne, no need to test for that. but if you'd really wanted to, i've got no choice. i've failed your test, if there's one. i'm sorry, but you also have got to apologise. you were the one who either tore me up by toying with me, or trying to test me, or for not forgiving me, for avoiding me. and yeah, if you wanna get back together, go try it with another guy. not me. you hurt me once, dammit. you hurt me twice, thatsit... okay, i know you're not gonna read this, joanne. but don't get me fucking wrong. i still love you. i remembered i was still looking forward to a long relationship with you. and i thought you were a faithful girl, but turns out, that wasnt the fucking case. i made one mistake on that wednesday. that was it. only two months into knowing you, it killed me, on the inside. its hard to forget you. seriously. i've got what you have in the past. i feel like how you feel in the past. you've let me experience it. well done.

-pull down to hell, would ya? i don't wanna live anymore...

and there isn't any god. ;)